Jan-Piet Mens

Two great white sharks swimming in the ocean spied survivors of a sunken ship. "Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people. "First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did. "Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing." And they did. "Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

A young cowboy from Wyoming goes off to college. Half way through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in Laramie that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue, how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000," the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

"So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this – they've had such good results, they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that SOB before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

So I get my very first twitter spam:

And I thought I'd take just a teeny tiny little peek at it. So I click, and I'm disappointed:

This offer is not available in your country.

Bugga. I could use an iPhone 4.

Sam Trenholme of MaraDNS fame has updated his "world's smallest useful DNS server". It is so small, that the code fits right here:

/*Placed in the public domain by Sam Trenholme*/
#include <arpa/inet.h>
#include <string.h>
#include <stdint.h>
#define Z struct sockaddr
#define Y sizeof(d)
int main(int a,char **b){uint32_t i;char q[512]
,p[17]="\xc0\f\0\x01\0\x01\0\0\0\0\0\x04";if(a>
1){struct sockaddr_in d;socklen_t f=511;bzero(&
d,Y);a=socket(AF_INET,SOCK_DGRAM,0);*((uint32_t
*)(p+12))=inet_addr(b[1]);d.sin_family=AF_INET;
d.sin_port=htons(53);bind(a,(Z*)&d,Y);for(;;){i
=recvfrom(a,q,255,0,(Z*)&d,&f);if(i>9&&q[2]>=0)
{q[2]|=128;q[11]?q[3]|=4:1;q[7]++;memcpy(q+i,p,
16);sendto(a,q,i+16,0,(Z*)&d,Y);}}}return 0;}

Compile it (cc nanodns.c) and run it (./a.out 1.2.3.4) as root. It binds to all the machine's interfaces and returns the IP specified on the command line as an A resource record to any query it gets.

The code is a little obfuscated, but it works.

Discover turns WikiPedia into a magazine on the iPad. Nice.

Need help with TeX or LaTeX? The Tex – LaTeX Stack Exchange has opened shop. It is

a collaboratively edited question and answer site for people who love TeX, LaTeX and other related typesetting systems. It's 100% free, no registration required.

And it is Beta.

The preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."

With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now ?"

Leroy answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week…

[Thanks, Nic.]

Quick and to the point. None of the "I am the son of the king of …" Nigerian bullshit.