Four-Way SyncML (Almost)
After solving the issues with the duplicates in my SyncML setup, I added another synchronization node to the picture ∗.
I've actually had that in there all the time, but I didn't want to complicate the issue by mentioning it. 
The original setup hasn't really changed, but instead of altering contacts on Lotus Notes, I do so in AddressBook on the Mac.
It works, and I am now really happy. I've been hammering deletes, updates and inserts to all sides of this party, and I've yet to find a problem.
∗ Until the next fubar happens with my setup.
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