Preaching to a bear
A Priest, a Pentecostal Preacher, and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss their experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation."
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an IV drip in his arm, and both legs in casts. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in real bad shape.
The Rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
(Thanks Nic.)
Here is another good one circulating on the internets:
Women may only enter the store ONCE to make a purchase. There are 6 floors, and the attributes of the men for sale on each floor are detailed outside. Although you can choose a man from any floor, once you have entered a particular floor you must make a purchase there. You cannot go back down, except when you exit the building.
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a lifelong partner. On the first floor the sign outside reads: 'Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord'. She moves on up.
On the next floor the sign reads: 'Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord and love kids'. She keeps going.
The sign outside the third floor reads: 'Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids and are extremely good-looking'. Still she moves on up.
Next she sees the sign: 'Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are extremely good-looking and help with the housework'. Excited now, again she proceeds to the next floor.
The sign outside the fifth floor reads: 'Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are extremely good-looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak'. Although tempted to make her purchase from this floor, she can't wait to see what's available on the sixth.
Reaching for the door-handle to enter the floor area, she notices the sign outside. 'Floor 6 – You are visitor number 4,634,289 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists simply to prove that women are impossible to please'.